Should Couples Be "friends" On Facebook? Options

[cre8pc]

Earlier this week my husband, Eric, whom many SEO's know because he often travels to conferences with me, decided to get to know his Facebook account better. He asked if he could connect to me. I didn't see a problem with it.

I was wrong.

I nitpicked because he indicated he was "interested" in "women". And then indicated he was "married". I asked if there something I needed to know...being my sarcastic self in that moment He added my name as his wife and removed the interested in women part. He wasn't sure what it was for, and realized later it was intended more for seeking singles.

Lisa Barone saw him join and on my Wall, teased about what I did to get him to join. I joked, on my Wall, that it was so he could meet women, and because I had more friends. And I put "evil grin" there, to indicate I was joking around.

Eric replied that I was no longer his "friend", on my Wall, with a next to it.

We had a big argument then, via phone and email, LOL. He said he was also joking around, but I said if he was, he needed to put the correct emoticon there, like a happy face.

Can you believe this? We actually argued about how to communicate online and emoticon usage!!!

I later removed the posts from my Wall (and from the "History").

So, I thought I'd put the question out here for you all.

Would you want your significant other to see everything on your Facebook? Would you talk to each other there, in front of everyone? Do you think people might hold back from doing things like buying you drinks or "hugging" you if they know your other half is there to see it?

(Btw. I have a lot of sympathy for Eric. I should have been more graceful and kind with his introduction to Facebook.)

This post has been edited by cre8pc: Oct 4 2007, 04:29 PM

[saschaeh]

lol funny world when your status is determined by the likes of Facebook. We constantly joke about it.

I was messing around with all the functionality and switched my status to single - just messing around, right, but being AJAX it actually updated my status... Now it sends out a notification to everyone... Ohh boy did that let the cat out the bag!! My girlfriend, at the time, phoned within couple hours screaming blue murder! Weeks after random people from FB asking me or telling me... im so sorry to hear that you and...! lol Not so much free expression as it once was.

But i think we should yhea why not... id find it very strange if my partner refused... And just dont try solve problems through the system! things get misconstrueded!!

Its nice to send each other fun commentary and also its a part of our lives that shouldn't be closed off to the other, right?

This post has been edited by saschaeh: Oct 3 2007, 08:44 AM

[DianeV]

> Would you want your significant other to see everything on your Facebook?

It wouldn't bother me in the least. On the other hand, Bill had to point out to me where my wall was. LOL

And, on the other other hand, my husband and I share our office, so I'm not sure why I'd be posting at Facebook something I wanted to say to him. But that's just me.

This post has been edited by DianeV: Oct 3 2007, 09:50 AM

[JohnMu]

LOL

It *is* kind of strange and only goes to show how the "single relationship kind" of social networking is weird. Wasn't there a post somewhere about someone's boss trying to "friend" his employee? As much as I like the system, I just can't place all "friends" in one basket.

A little privacy here and there goes a long way.

John

[Respree]

That's a pretty funny story, Kim.

To be honest, I see you doing a lot of and around here, as well as

Hope he doesn't get the wrong idea, either.

[kid disco]

I have nothing to hide from my girlfriend! In fact, I often joke with her about all the online girlfriends I have...

[Jozian]

I think there is a problem with the limited complexity of Facebook 'friends'. That limitation makes it easier to startup and probably more viral, but it lacks control and thus the ability to finesse different types of relationships.

I doubt we are to the point where people would actually spend time setting up special relationships rules in a social networking environment that are as complex as reality. Would you really want to define rules for sharable information across groups like: Spouse, Ex Spouse, Close Friends, Old Friends, Old Girlfriends, High School Buddies, Drinking Buddies, CoWorkers, acquaintances, Extended Family, Special Friends, Army Reserve Buddies, Friends w/ Benefits, et al...

But I would note that LinkedIn, which I prefer, actually does ask when you add a contact about the type of relationship you have with the new person. Unless you fiddle a lot, not sure that it matters much. But if social networks are to grow in value, I think they must at some point grow in complexity.

I do know that even with categories, I wouldn't trust a profile tickmark to send info to one type of contact (read 'Wife') and not to another (read 'Drinking Buddy').

What Kim is seeing is just the tip of the social relationship iceberg.

-Jeff

[AbleReach]

Funny.

Looking for something else to say...

Funny.

Funny funny.

[eKstreme]

I know exactly what you're talking about Kim. So before my girlfriend sees this thread, I'm going to just close it and walk away.

Sigh.

[cre8pc]

I was messing around with all the functionality and switched my status to single - just messing around, right, but being AJAX it actually updated my status... Now it sends out a notification to everyone... Ohh boy did that let the cat out the bag!! My girlfriend, at the time, phoned within couple hours screaming blue murder!

LOL

Reading this made me feel so much better!!!

One of the things they offer is "It's complicated" for the relationship status. You can be married, single, etc. etc. or "It's complicated".

I always wonder what the heck that is. And is the person(s) complicating things able to see your Facebook and can see you announcing things are complicated? Not knowing the circumstances, I felt sad when I watched a friend go from "It's complicated" to "Single". This is ridiculous!!! I barely know the person and am basing my feelings on STATUS reports?

Think how much fun we could have with this. Eric could have changed his to "In the doghouse with Kim" status

People could send him lots of "drinks" with Booze Mail. And "spank" me for being Bad Kimmy. Facebook easily lets everyone in on your relationship drama, whether you want it or not

[saschaeh]

someone's boss trying to "friend" his employee?

Now there is a thing... I have had two clients ask to be added to my facebook 'friends' as well as a shareholder...

This im not too sure about!.. What do you say to your boss or client???

No sorry you cant because ...???... i like to keep the weekend doge photos to myself thanks...

This post has been edited by saschaeh: Oct 4 2007, 12:41 AM

[ukdaz]

I banned my wife from using Facebook. Solved that little problem.

[JohnMu]

Send this update to:
[ ] Current spouse
[ ] Ex-spouse(s)
[ ] Current girlfriend
[ ] Ex-girlfriend(s)
[ ] Co-worker(s)
[x] Ex-co-worker(s)
[ ] Current boss
[ ] Ex-boss
[ ] People that asked to friend you which you don't really know
[x] Drinking buddies

Things are getting complicated (or weren't they all along? Remember the first time that your girlfriend wanted to hang out with you and your drinking buddies?).

Scoble on "friends"
Adam Lasnik: "All “friends” aren’t created equal!"

John

Sorry, John's current boss, this message is only viewable to drinking buddies and ex-co-workers.

[A.N.Onym]

Sascha, if you want to keep your dog photos to yourself, then you probably shouldn't be posting them on FB

Doesn't FB give you a chance to categorize the people somewhat? Or was it a wish someone made a while ago?

[iamlost]

I checked with my daughter who was an early adopter of both MySpace and FaceBook:

Categorising family, friends, acquaintances, collegues, lovers, jerks et al is the logic of multiple personas, multiple accounts.
It's not work, it's fun. All geekgirls love to roleplay
One account is so straitjacket. No account is so you.

[Jozian]

Nice data point, Iamlost. re your daughter LIKES to manage multiple personas.

I can see it, so no luddite paranoia here, but I can't feel it.... Man, am I getting old.

-Jeff

[ccera]

My husband has no clue where I go or what I do online, just that he thinks (ok, rightly ) that I spend too much time doing it. I don't do anything that I oughtn't, but I don't know that I'd want him to have access to everything I've ever written (this post is a perfect example), either. I guess what we all have to remember is that things just aren't as anonymous as they were in the early days of the internet. Honestly, when I put ANYTHING online I am more worried about the impact on potential clients than on what my husband would think.
Seems to me that it would depend on the relationship of the couple, and whether they socialize in the real world as a couple or mostly individually. I also think it would be easier if the couple (unlike Kim and Eric) had the same level of experience on Facebook, rather than one spouse more or less jumping in after the other was established and having to "catch up" as it were.

iamlost, my teenage daughter also has multiple accounts for all sorts of things and likes it that way. I, on the other hand, am very happy to have half a dozen email addresses and only one of everything else.

CiCi

[send2paul]

Let's see....

1. Would you want your significant other to see everything on your Facebook?
2. Would you talk to each other there, in front of everyone?
3. Do you think people might hold back from doing things like buying you drinks or "hugging" you if they know your other half is there to see it?

In answer:

1. My wife* and I have Facebook accounts, and we are both on each other's accounts etc etc - no biggie.

2. Would we talk to each other there, in front of everyone? LOL - we're married... lol.... we talk to each other using that good old fashioned medium of speech

3. Hell no! I think I've had my fair share of drinks etc etc from folks.

To be honest, I only started Facebook because my niece suggested I do. I actually find it a huge distraction, (in terms of time), from taking part in other online activities - here, blogging, e-commerce activity.

Interestingly, several of my new colleagues in my new job have Facebook accounts, so it was interesting to see a bit more about them online.

Paul

* Me and Sue met online in a Yahoo chat room. She has a Myspace and other forum activities, (mainly to keep in touch with "stuff" back in the USA). And we both get online and say hi to her folks quite regularly on webcam. So I guess the internet has a useful role in our lives