iamlost's story compelled to tell mine
Tradtionally/out of habit, my daughter, Arielle, is in charge of gifts/parties/cards, etc. because she loves to dote on people she loves. This has meant picking out the cards FOR her brother, Stefan, to give every year. They have 2 dads (my ex and their step-dad). They adore both and they do write funny notes in the cards. I always give the kids money to get their dads a gift. Last year, I went a bit nuts and since my kids all earn money, we went in 3 ways and got each dad a brand new grill. They loved that!
This year, Arielle went on strike and announced she wasn't helping her brother this year. She wanted to get her dads something on her own. She wanted to force Stefan to be responsible. However, between the last week of school final exams and his playing on 4 baseball teams plus an all-star game, plus he has football camp, he has "had no time". He says. Me, Arielle and Eric purposely tried to help him by offering to drive to the store, or practically pushing him into card stores, but he acted like the typical 15 yr old... as in "not now, I'm busy" which means a variety of things no parent can translate.
So today, he had 3 baseball games, but they only got in 1 before it poured raining again. While packing for going away for football camp at Penn State next week, I asked him if he got a card, at least, for his dads before had has to leave. Nope.
So I just said, "Stefan, after all your dads do for you?" and I left the room. The old mom logic/guilt trip routine. An hour later, he asked to borrow money (his is saved in the bank), jumped on his bike and rode into town (about 3 miles) to get cards. It was pouring rain. I had no idea he was doing this and Eric was impressed in that manly way guys get when one of their species braves the lions and tigers outside the cave.
It's not the safest day to be riding a bike. Visibility is down, no sunshine, drenching rains and thunder, so I got in my car and drove to the store where I figured (moms intuition) he'd go. I pulled up just as he was getting ready to get on his bike and head back home. He was thrilled to see me. I asked him if he got what he wanted, but he wasn't satisfied and didn't take enough money, so we put his bike in my car and I took him to another store where we had some fun picking out stuff. He was soaking wet but he didn't care. He just said, "Mom, I got a great work out!".
The whole time, his sister is calling and texting me to check in and see if he's still out in the rain. She was at her bf's house before having to go to her job. Stefan picked up on her worry and picked out her favorite candy to buy for her. (I thought that was so sweet!)
In the end, the boy is still learning how to handle his love for sports and manage his time, and we're trying to teach him to be less reliant on us. It's not easy for a kid to keep up with 4 baseball team schedules, weight lifting and football and his other interests (loves to cook, plays the tuba and bass guitar.) He knows I work from home to enable him to do this stuff, and his dads contribute a lot.
I think the cards and small gifts will mean far less to his dads than his decision and determination to get them on his own power, in bad weather.
:nanatype: